So I go in for a regular check up. He draws blood - normal for appt. at 34 weeks - does the normal weigh in and blood pressure check. He has one more exam to do - and this one is a bit more than to check the heart beat - but as he is checking the heart beat he has a hard time finding one. Now while laying on a less than comfortable table - on my back - definitely the last position I want to be in - besides laying on my stomach at 34 weeks pregnant - he shows a bit of concern... then moves the doppler thingy to a different side of my swollen stomach. I guess he hears it... but I didn't hear it - as clear as I would have liked anyway. Then - my dear doctor starts to poke on opposing ends of my stomach... and I jokingly reply, "Hopefully, this isn't an indicator of his lack of compliance later in life." trying to bring a bit of levity to the situation. If you know my doctor - levity doesn't go a long way. He says, "No, it may be an indicator of something else. We're going to do an ultrasound." Of course, he doesn't tell me what the "something else" may be. So this momma tries not to think of the things that could be wrong. He finishes the routine part of the exam and then turns on the ultrasound machine - and of course, we have to wait for it to warm up. He finally clues me in to what he is suspecting... the baby is not head down - meaning I may be looking at a C-section.
This alone made me a little teary-eyed - having had two babies delivered the "normal way." Immediately, the "what - ifs" started penetrating my head. Remembering that Jesus was in the room with me right at that very moment... knowing my anxious thoughts... I began to pray. The doctor came back in and did the ultrasound... while STANDING RIGHT BETWEEN ME AND THE SCREEN - UGH! I was unable to see anything. Apparently, I guess everything is normal. I guess the baby is in the right position for a normal birth... he (the doctor) didn't say anything remarkable - or otherwise. What this momma needed to hear was a reassuring - "Oh, everything's fine... your baby looks healthy and wonderful." Because let me tell you... the anxiety had planted itself and was taking root... right there. All the way home I was thinking.. if there was something wrong - surely, he would've sent me to the hospital, right? He wouldn't have released me to go, right?
Here I sit - with two weeks until my next appointment. Two weeks until I get to hear that sweet little beat again. It's almost too long. Being in anxious mode... after picking up the kids I trekked to Target to get a prescription filled. I stopped by my favorite watering hole and got a Dr. Pepper - just to make the baby good and jumpy - to ease my worries somewhat... I figure if he's moving around in there - I know he must be okay. :)
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:13-17
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