The Battle of Brokenness

Here I sit... quiet in the house... boys gone with their daddy to a church meeting, where I would normally be, except for the fact that my tummy is swollen with a little one inside... momma needed rest.

The past few weeks I have been in battle.  Fighting tooth and nail with brokenness.  Sometimes almost to the point of exhaustion - broken in my relationships, broken in my strength, broken in my struggles.  Just broken.  

And this broken work has pushed against the goads in my brokenness.  Unraveling with angry words to my boys when they have done something that bothers me.  Snapping at my husband for something simple left undone.  Accepting guilt that is not mine to take, but that which the enemy gives all too willingly.  

BUT in the quiet of a moment with God in the morning... a whispered prayer for the Lord to be with me... knowing He is... feeling His presence in His WORD... because the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us... with the quality of being living and active - I am still.  Still enough to hear the gentle loving words of affirmation - you are broken. 

In the quiet I allow the flood of reality wash over me.  I was born broken because of sin.  Even with a supernatural heart change, I still live broken.  Broken in a broken world.  And what's most frustrating to this broken vessel - is striving to be like Jesus ... perfection - who once came unbroken - but became broken for me.  He experienced the true battle of brokenness - God-Man perfection living and loving among broken people in a broken world. 

He takes this broken vessel and continually reshapes it in His hands - reforms me for His use.  And the use of this broken vessel reshaped time and again - is for whatever would bring Him glory.   For He didn't come to make perfect - He came to forgive.  In that forgiveness I am made blameless, spotless, without reproach before my Creator!  

So the battle continues... to strive to be more like Jesus - but with the reminder that I won't ever be unbroken here.  I will always be among broken people this side of heaven - living in a world filled with brokenness... but more importantly - I stand forgiven!  And because of this gift... I can forgive others in the same broken state... and forgive myself for my brokenness.