When He Speaks

While growing up I attended a very traditional church.  I still do.  There is not a lot of talk about hearing the Lord when He speaks.  I've never heard the Lord speak in an audible voice.  As a matter of fact, 20 years ago I would have been very skeptical of anyone who had said that they "heard" from the Lord.  I just didn't think He worked that way.  I knew that He used His word to tell us things He wanted us to know... but I never took the words from His Word personally.  Like He was using them to communicate to me.  I thought they just conveyed stories and lessons from those who have gone before - compelling me to learn from their mistakes and follow their wise decisions. 

However, I can tell you now, after being in His Word, after walking with Him, after having fellowship with Him, after experiencing His goodness to me time after time after time - I have heard Him speak.   Just today I was reading with Monkey for school. We have been studying the Children of Israel and the exodus from Egypt.  For our Bible time we were reading out of chapter 14 of Exodus. Here is what the Lord had for me this morning... specifically in verses 13 and 14:

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 

This morning I REALLY needed these verses for many reasons.  The demands of my sweet new blessing have me up several times in the wee hours of the morning with feedings and diaper changes.  The rest of my family is needing me as well.  Even more so than before. The boys demand more of my time because they are feeling the effects of my time being given to the baby.  My husband wants me to spend time with him.  I am feeling pulled in every direction.  Feeling exhausted and having nothing to give... while still my family requires more of me.  This morning I HIT THE WALL!  I could do it no longer.  

I also have realized since having children that I have some issues.  I never thought I was an angry person.  It took a lot for me to get angry.  Most things that bothered me just rolled of my back like water off a duck.  But since I had children I have seen the ugliest side of myself.  I have seen myself scream at my boys - something I never thought I would do.  And with lack of sleep and more demands my angry reactions have continued.  

Last night I was in Bible Study at church under our pastor's leadership.  Our pastor spoke of meekness - defined as being humbled before God and gentle toward others.  Wow!  A hit between the eyes.  In my anger I have not been gentle with my boys.  

Tonight I am meeting with some friends to pray over my angry reactions.  The appointment has been on the calendar for over two weeks now.  Don't even think that my hitting the wall today and my appointment tonight was sheer coincidence.  There is no such thing.  It's the desire of the enemy to keep me from going to pray... to have me continue to live a defeated life... to incapacitate me... to render me useless for His service.

All these things to say that the verse that I read this morning literally took my breath away.  As I read the verse it was almost as if the Lord held my breath.  The words - deliverance, stand firm, be still - held so much power.  Because they were from the Lord... and they were FOR ME!  My Father wants me to BE STILL and know that HE is going to rescue me!  He is going to FIGHT FOR ME!  All I need to do is be still.  What words of affirmation!  

Speak on Lord!  I'm listening!