Friday, January 22, 2010

A Hurting Heart

It's hard to try to ignore what is happening in our house right now.  While we were gone this weekend my mother-in-law came to dog sit her favorite granddoggy.  She is wonderful about doing that, I must say.  So when we came back we noticed our boy limping, favoring his right shoulder.  Thinking that he may have slipped and strained it, or maybe even dislocated it - we sat on just giving him aspirin and fish oil and glucos/condroit  mix to help try to lube the achy joint.  So with no improvement we took him to see our favorite vet in the world.  J took him last night - it was a cold and rainy night - you know the type.  While there, they took him back for an x-ray to see what type of injury he had.

Fast forward - I was at home feeding  and bathing the kids, and J and Shiloh walk into the bathroom.  I completely expected for J to tell me that the dog was going to need some outrageously expensive surgery to fix the dislocation (not like we could've afforded it)... but what I heard was worse.  J said that the doctor found cancer in his bones.  Our vet said that he believed this to be the most aggressive kind of the three types that it could be.  UGH!  My heart was pounding in my throat at the news.  I wanted to vomit.  Feelings that had long since gone away were right in my face again.  Three years ago we had to put to sleep our wonderfully silly wigglebutt boxer, Mattox.  The experience was horrible.  I was eight months pregnant with Chopsy.  Here I am again faced with the grim reality that our time with our Shiloh is very limited.

Right now I find it hard to sit for any period of time without distractions - because I start to tear up at the thought.  Even now my eyes are leaking.  The fact is it's hard for the healing to begin while the wound is still open.  Unfortunately, the wound will not be able to close and begin to heal until the inevitable is done.

I know that many don't understand grieving over a dog.  It really is true that a furry friend becomes like one of your children.  You care for him and walk him.  You play together and laugh at the goofy things he does.  You even get mad at the any number of times that you have to call the ER vet because he got into something that wasn't meant for puppies.  He's just a part of the family. He was a part of our "pack" before either of our boys was born.

That being said, I am just so glad that God cares for all His creatures.  I find comfort in the verses in Matthew that state that the Lord clothes the lilies of the field and He knows when a sparrow falls.  How much more does He care for us.  So I know that in the midst of this tragedy in our home, our LORD is with us through every step and is here to console and comfort us in our grief.  We are so thankful that He allowed us to be Shiloh's family.


Heather said...

He's been a gift, G.... a wonderfully wonderful gift~

Praying here.
Leaking with you.
And trusting in the Almighty for His most divine and extraordinary peace...

amy said...

i'm just so sad for y'all! i know your heart is heavy. I have no problem grieving over ANY animal, as mine are my children! we'll pray you through this and hug you through this and cry you through this. love you, girl.