Thursday, October 30, 2008

Heartsick Momma

Oh dear - what is it that makes us so emotional as women? God created us to be tender caring creatures. He knew that as children we would need to be nurtured and reared. He knew that as children we would need love. So God created women, moms specifically, to be that compliment to the man's rough and tumble character. Moms listen to our hurts, bandage our bumps, and hurt long after the pain is gone.

This is a piece of wisdom that my mother shared with me long ago to try and explain why she was so upset at some of the things that happened in my life. Long after my issue amd hurt was long forgotten - after I had moved on, my mother still held the hurt for me - whatever the issue was. I am kind of realizing this situation now. Over a blanket.

This weekend when we went to visit Jeremy's granddad we stayed in a hotel. Now both of my boys have their special lovies that they sleep with. Monkeyman has his blankie that he had from infancy, and Chopsy carries R.U. Blankie is a pale yellow waffle blanket with a duck on one corner. It has a thin silky edge that Monkey loves to wrap around his fingers and rub back and forth to help put him to sleep, and R. U. is a froggy. This weekend in the rush to gather everything up and pack the car one of the lovies went missing. We had traveled all the way back - only 5 miles from home, when something was mentioned about blankie. I suddenly thought - "I don't remember packing blankie." A feeling of utter dread washed over me. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head. As soon as I got home I went through everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that we took 2 or 3 times to search for this beloved lovie. After not being able to find it I felt sick. A frantic phone call was made to the hotel, just in case it was found in the laundry. No such luck. I cried. I was so heartbroken that Monkeyman wouldn't be able to clutch his blankie just so and rub it like he always does to put himself to sleep. After searching for a good 2 hours, my husband broke the news to the Monkster. The news rolled off his back like it was no big deal. "Okay dad." he said.

Meanwhile, I was still heartbroken. I am still heartbroken. Silly mommy. I am sitting here feeling like I need to cry even now. I was so looking forward to saving that blankie after he had outgrown it, to remember when he was little and blankie used to keep the fears away, comfort him until the drowsy feeling of fuzzines filled his head and he fell off to sleep. I was hoping to hold onto the blankie after my son was too big to hold on to him.

I realize that there is coming a day, in the not too distant future that my boys will leave. It hurts to think of it even now. My job has always been to ready them for that day, to help nurture boys who will grow to be responsible young men. Letting go will be hard. That's what a lovie is for. As my boys outgrow their lovies, this mom plans keep their favorites to hold on to them and just remember.

Chopsy's R.U.

Not "Blankie", but a close second.

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