Monday, August 18, 2008

My Reward

Today has been challenging. I would be remiss to just publish all of our fun exciting times at our house without adding some days that are just down right lousy. Today is one of those days. I am bummed out with the thought of the last week of summer with my boys on my mind. I got Monkeyman's letter about the beginning of preschool today. All of the pre-school meetings are in the morning, open house, Christmas program... they are all at times when I am at work. It really bums me out. My desire has always been to stay home.

To add to the stress of being faced with going back to work my children were less than pleasant when going to the pool today... usually a really fun place for us. The big one had a really difficult time listening and following directions - causing me to make the decision to leave earlier than planned. After this decision I was forced to deal with a temper tantrum and a fight to get him out of the water to the chair where our towels sat waiting. All the while Chopsy was screaming and crying and adding to the general chaos and embarrassment. Oh- how I wanted to spank the living daylights out of my older one, and then curl up in a hole by myself just to get away. The joys of motherhood.

As all of this was going on I was trying to stay composed, praying under my breath for strength from the LORD. I have learned not to pray for patience... that's a certain request for a lesson in it. Now as I sit typing and expressing my frustrations and feelings, the Lord whispers to me and gently reminds me about how many times I regularly disobey Him. How frustrated does He feel after telling me time and time again to do or not do something? Does He weep over my disobedience? My only consolation is that I know that I'm forgiven and have been made a daughter of the King because of Jesus blood and righteousness. So remembering what amazing graces and mercies that have been bestowed on me I will love my precious sons showing them the same mercy and grace. I will press on to attain the prize in Christ Jesus - not looking behind, but striving to reach toward the goal. That goal is to raise children who love the Lord, who are totally devoted to Him while walking in a manner worthy of Christ. I am holding on to that promise. I AM A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY WORD!!!! IT'S MINE!!! I WILL have my 100 fold harvest!!!!

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them." Psalm 127:3-4

1 comment:

Heather said...

((G))... that's big cyber hugs, just for you. I'm sorry it was such a tough day-- I'll be praying for strength and comfort along with clear direction.

Loving you tons,